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A is for ass hole [25 Mar 2010|03:53am]
[ mood | cynical ]

Breakups are a bitch especially when you aren't expecting it... either I need to grow some thicker skin or I need to stop dating all together... I'm tired of wasting my time...there are so many better ways of spending it!  And I will
Until full recovery I need:
write it out
drink it out
Read a little dorthy parker
make a big change of some sort
and youtube therapy
yes that should do
and I'm sure a little time with God might be useful

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been writing again [29 Aug 2009|11:54pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Aesthetic lure

What is this deep connection

Earth, air, sea

The breeze in my hair

My grass stained knees

The sun sinks low

Beneath the maple trees


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[14 Aug 2009|10:16am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

So I'm thinking I need to get into my classroom every moment I can to prepare. 
I've never done this before.
I'm excited and ready to get to work!
I hope this is just what I'm looking for.
I'm making lists and looking through lessons.

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*clears throat* Hello??? [05 Aug 2008|08:13pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

long summer... so how have ya'll been?  Anything new.  Anyone still using this old little hide away?
<3 freed 

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changes [04 Feb 2008|12:26am]
[ mood | drained ]

every end is the beginning of something else... life just keeps on going and I'm trying to hold on tight as the roller coaster tosses and turns me about..... 
Good friends
keep me holding on
thank you

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oh when I can't sleep I youtube my mood [08 Jan 2008|01:35am]
[ mood | restless ]




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talkative little me [11 Dec 2007|10:33am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

 At this point why bother studying any further... I'll be in there taking that exam in less than 30 min and I know I'm doomed as doomed can be... 
I'm hungry and tired and tired some more.... anywho... still haven't gotten my eval back from my lead teacher... that makes me nerves... tomorrow is my parent teacher confrence and I haven't practiced a bit.  it makes me less nerves knowing that the dad miht be the only one coming... mom's are usually more defensive and vocal and I know this father isn't one to make a whole heck of a lot of fuss... then again thinking back on that one day when I was confronted by a parent that I thought was very relaxed and she well... I was afraid of her after that... parents can be scary when it has to do with their child... oh well I'll make it through this week one way or another.  BTW has anyone ever read "There will come soft rains" by my ever favorite poet Sara Teasdale?  I wrote a paper on it and I'll have to post it up here sometime.  
Goal today is to survive this exam- then watch an ep of firefly... the more I watch the more I like I must admit... I think it would be four on my favorites list
1 buffy
2 dark angel
3 sliders
4 ... oh no... this is all wrong let me start again...
1 buffy
2 dark angel
3 big love
4 sliders 
5 firefly...
although that was very difficult to do.... if anyone would like to add their top 5- I'd like that very much :)
off to exam land we go...

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This computer makes a buzzing sound... [06 Dec 2007|10:30am]
[ mood | sober ]

 Eating a doughnut in the uc and I'm thinking about today.  This morning at an ungodly hour I was up scribbling away with some poetry because yet again I could not sleep well.  I got a paper cut from the new central review this morning.  Has anyone read that yet?  Every year they put out a group of short stories and poems that cmu student have submitted... unfortunitly only about 10% of it is worth reading at all... and it bit me... Came over here to the uc and nearly ran into the cuttest guy.  he was sitting near me but just now got up to leave... I was stairing.  Is it funny that I can stare but not communicate... well at least it was the back of his head... I'm strange and there is this girl not sitting far from me who has been clicking her pen for over a half an hour... .. not annoying at all... oh hey that cute guy is back...- must resume in my stairing, cramming my face with sugary goodness and coffee... ...
ok.. so today is my last day of teaching and I am so sad! I am going to miss my kids so much... I really might cry...  the hypnotist is tonight and I'm excited about that, but I should really be doing English instead if I want to go to Laurens party this weekend to say goodby to my fellow student teachers... and I do...  damn cute guy disapeared while I was typing... click click click... and it's damn cold in here...

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ARG and Ahoy! [15 Nov 2007|10:44am]
[ mood | busy ]

I'm in  the UC and unable to scream... thank you for providing me a form of screaming LJ!
The semester is nearly over! Not cool.... so much to do... so little time.... and I'm freaking out! please feel free to rant here or just give typed scream if you feel the same.
Love you guys!
PS... I was just interviewed by 95.1... scarry... *sweat drop*... and the guy walked up as food was in my mouth... and I was all.. oye don't look at my LJ and ug... I got all nerves...

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Mini rant [18 Oct 2007|08:48pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

The side tag-

I just want to say that side tags are more annoying than back ones.  I was so happy when more shirts were being made with printed tags on the shirt... but whats the point if you’re just going to sue one in on the inside side of it too!!!>? It’s even more itchy and erg! I hate that!  Anyone agree?
itch itch

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[16 Oct 2007|10:02am]
[ mood | cold ]

little time and lots to say
I'm lead teaching in the pre school again this week and although I'm feeling more comfortable with the role I still find myself not having enough time in a day to complete all of my accademic, social, family, spiritual,and physical needs... even when I cut it down to accademic and physical I seem to be short on time... I don't know how I'm still moving right now to be honest with you.  I get between 6 and 4 hours of sleep most nights.  The only reason I'm typing here is because I left my HEV 597Q binder at home (can't work on my articles) and I need to stay awake before lab in the Pre-school.  I've never been so sad to have rain... I'm going to have to figure out a rainy day plan for me kids if it doesn't clear up this week and I'm not looking forward to it.  If it warms up I might just pull out the rain coats.
This weekend I'm going home and it will be nice to visit with everyone while I continue to do my home work... *sigh*
I just keep telling myself - next semester will be better... 
Anywho another rant I'd like to just touch the surface of is my English class... in the play Hamlet... does Hamlet love Ophelia?  I say no! My professor disagrees... big shock there... lol... anywho Hamlet I think lusted after Ophelia but did not love her... he had "feelings" for her, but what kind?  When it came down too it his needs were put before hers... this is the direct opposite of love.  Of course he makes the big statements once she is dead... isn't that what we all want ... the unatainable?  I'm not saying that he was a heartless bastard... I like Hamlet... I just don't think he loved Ophelia... but lusted after her for a time and then morned the loss of her... please chim in with some opinions...
Tired Hungry and still moving 

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Not very professional of me... [15 Oct 2007|09:22pm]
[ mood | productive ]

I know we aren't supposed to have favorites and I'm not even supposed to talk about them using first names .... but you're my friends... and well... her dad put the video online.... so he must not be worried about people..... and she's so cute...
this is one of my students giving her hair to locks of love... <3
I'm a proud pre-school teacher!

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Dizzy- 9/11- rambel! [11 Sep 2007|09:55am]
[ mood | drained ]

It’s funny really –that the last few entries I’ve typed I never posted here.  This one should at least be entertaining but I apologize now for the length.  I have much to say. My fingers are trembling from a lack of nourishment and my stomach is in a knot.  Maybe I’ll go to Java city after this and get my caffeine fix.  Lord knows I’ll need it before my lab. 


Today is sept  11,07.  Oh, stop that!  Don’t roll your eyes and tell me to move on (I’m sure someone out there did!).  When I think of Pearl Harbor I feel bad about that tragedy too… a tragedy is a tragedy… I will not be inhuman about it and when I think of this day… I remember all of the stories I’ve heard of the people who died.  I put up an American flag in my window today- just like the chain letter commanded me to do, last night when I was checking my e-mail.  An ex-lovers mother sent it to me.  I was surprised that I was still on her mailing list and that she would know that I am still in support of our efforts to win over terrorism both here and overseas.  But I bet she’d be surprised to know that her son, God bless him, is still in my prayers every night when I plead and praise my Lord.  Not for any reason of my own –but for his health and safety.  These cannot be taken for granted you know… not since the fall of mankind- impersonal –we all have this in common- not being able to take for granted these things I mean.. Oh dear I’ve begun to ramble…

9/11 –I realized this morning that I don’t have any American T-shirts to support our country… I have 2 to support pro-life and numerous CMU shirts… and even a few different religious groups.  Sometimes wearing your opinion on your sleeve is easier than making vocal statements…  what do you think?

Ok maybe I’ll not make this as long as I thought -do to hunger… but I swear I will return soon dear Journal… (to remind myself) -I must inform you about “The Perfect Day”- and an interesting poem by Browning… *sigh*  some days I seriously think I can feel the earth moving on it’s axes… spinning spinning  spinning… in constant movement… it’s like a giant marry go round…  why do I allow myself to continue moving when I'm so sleep deprived?

Love, Peace, and Prosperity


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Debates & Breaks [24 Jul 2007|01:43am]
[ mood | calm ]

Hello there reader,
yesterday was eventful- I had blueberry wine from north michigan and sipped it while watching "firefly" and eating chicken biskets... it was lovely... sorry about eating those dip and ren... lol
today felt very rushed but ended with the democratic debates and Big Love... 

other stuff
relationships and the people around me:
Darlings many relationship have come to an end over the course of this year... remember dear ones that I am here for you and understand to an extent the pain you must be feeling... but roll with the punches and keep your chins up- who knows what tomorrow may bring- you will be in my prayers- my best to you.
Oh what a silly little world we're in, where people constantly hurt eachother... all we can do is try... to add to the compassion instead of the chaois... 
"Love is a verb"

as far as my own life referring to relationships... I think I'm becoming more confident in my ability to let go of what could have been... 

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7/11/07 -80 years of goodness- happy b-day to 7-11 stores [12 Jul 2007|12:05am]
[ mood | nervous ]

I eated slurpeage 7.11 oz times 11 .... happy 7/11 to me... now back to practicing my autism presentation... *gurgle gurglie* - says the tummy



To all the marionettes....


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Monday Monday Monday [09 Jul 2007|07:55pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Ok so I lied I’m not telling you about the squirt gun fight/ steak dinner/ fireworks/ bonfire fun-ness of the fourth weekend.. nope not going to rant about babysitting my sister's dog... about how I bought the series firefly (thanks to the help of Joe) or how I got to eat some yummy Pi’s Chinese food!

Instead I’d like to say that I spent this afternoon not doing as much homework as I at first intended -due to procrastination... W007

also I’d like to take a little bit of time here to thank God... thank you God.... for allowing a young shirtless man to spray wash my deck this afternoon... that was very very nice... and thank you k-chan for allowing me to steal your seat on the couch to make it appear as though I was not staring... but I so was... I mean how often does that happen... a wet shirtless boy to watch from my couch... *sigh* ...I’m so hopeless...

now I swear I’m going to work on my homework... honest... unless I have to leave soon to watch Big Love... yeah that’s more important than academics you know...



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If you pray... [07 Jul 2007|01:41pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Please pray for my cousin Kevin... I have just received a letter from him.  Kevin has CF and has been around 30 years! Longer than anyone expected for him so far.  He has had 2 long transplants in the past and I always remember him going in and out of the hospital... these last few years he has been doing great! Traveling and enjoying life... but now something again.. oye... poor kev...

I'll up date on my weekend later! (I'm currently dogsitting at my sister's)               
Peace and thank you for your prayers,
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"alone in the night, on a dark hill, with pines around me..."- oh you know how it goes... [01 Jul 2007|11:32pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I haven't been able to write lately.. I guess I just haven't had the inspiration... but usually when I'm angry or depressed about something I'm more likely to write... so you'd think I'd be throwing words on paper like nothin... but no...
anywho.. class is going alright I guess.. it's keeping me ever so busy and stressed... went home for the day and seen a lot of old friends.. it was nice.. over all a great day!
Thanks for being my driver dip! Loves you!
I don't really have too much to say.. hope everyones doing well! Peace!

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"I never knew anyone could move so slow..." [24 Jun 2007|11:57pm]
[ mood | scared ]

-To Improve-
I wrote an entry earlier that let out exactly what I’ve been thinking about- my choices and the failed dreams I had for ME. But it was far too personal and lengthy to add here. So what I want to say... is that... if I take anything from my experiences these last four years it should be...
To trust others carefully but give charity and love earnestly to anyone
To choose my words a bit more wisely
To use empathy and compassion – to judge others more slowly -some day I may find myself in their shoes.
To go easy on the alcohol
To be ever-forgiving but never forgetting
To focus on the victories and not my failures –no good will come of self loathing
And maybe if I have more self discipline with these things – maybe if I apply them to my life- I will be all that I desired to be when I was younger. Maybe I will find myself to be a true woman after God’s own heart.
I realize I’ve been neglecting my myspace and facebook- my apologies to you, dear friends.
I’ll try to be less depressed... promise.
Start class tomorrow morning at 9am SPE 126 (intro to special education) wish me luck!


Proverbs 16:32
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

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Can't sleep must youtube!!!!!!! [05 Jun 2007|06:24am]
[ mood | amused ]

-sexiest voice- :)

-something new, different, and pretty-

-so funny and one of my fave placebo songs-

-thinking hurts my head-

Spoken- who could hate them?- not me- they make Christian rock... ROCK!

I realize this is random and none of these songs go together... but at least I didn't start posting nat's channel yet... *giggles and skurries off to bed*

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